This is self-help how-to guide on following your dreams, and also really being honest with yourself and knowing whether you actually want it, or if you’ve been influenced by other people’s opinions, thoughts, and beliefs on what you should do with your life.
First things first
You know how you see in coming-of-age stories, movies, stories of friends and family where the people are sort of expected to follow in someone else’s footsteps? Well, I think most of us can experience that, even if we don’t have family telling you to be the next owner of the family business, or be a doctor like them (or they weren’t so you must be), and then feeling that awful pressure, or maybe the soft regret you feel of going after their dream, instead of what you truly wanted.
Community, peers, friends, and “friends” sometimes don’t understand our dreams too, and society also sort of enforces a need to live a certain way, work a certain set of jobs, or live life a specific way for you to be seen as “successful.”
Well to that I say:
What even is success?
Success is a certain level of achievement that we get to in life where we feel accomplished, or where the people around us and society perceive you to be successful because of aspects and opinions of their’s that match success.
Here’s the thing though. Success is different for everybody, and this is just the truth.
If success is sort of measured by opinions of others’, community, and society, then it means that it’s your opinion too. And your opinion of success is what really matters.
☆ What do YOU think is successful? ☆
Is success having an extremely high-paying job? Is it owning your own home and having a beautiful garden? Is it having a beautiful, little family? Is it having a crazy, giant, fun family? Is it having a lot of freedom and free time? Is it the ability to travel all the time? Is it to win a ton of medals and competitions? Or is it just you having a life doing what you love, and being able to do that for the rest of your life?
Some people want the nicest house, and the nicest cars, but some people just want to be able to have a family, and some people just want to live life creating what they love.
So it’s indeed different for everyone.
This is the MOST important aspect of being successful. What YOU think success IS. And if you are happy doing what you’re doing, if you’re going after what YOU think is successful.
So what is your success? Think about what in life makes you truly feel happy. Because at the end of the day, you are the one you have to impress (if you have kids, please be responsible while parenting and pursue your successful life as long as they are considered.)
Once you’ve defined this, you then need to think about your dreams. Are they ones you actually want? Are they ones that came from your parents? Or from people who are popular, from celebrities, or from what the people around dream of? Or is it something you’ve fell in love with, something that brings you joy. Sparks curiosity, excitement, and something you find researching, looking into a lot, and doing without anyone asking you to do so.
How to Tell If a Dream Is ☆ truly Yours ☆ (and How to Follow It Without Regret)
Knowing which dreams are genuinely yours — and which are echoes of others’ expectations — is one of the clearest routes to a meaningful life. This warm, research‑informed how‑to guide helps you distinguish authentic longings from external influence, decide whether to pursue a dream, and create a practical plan to follow it without losing yourself.
Why this matters
- Authentic dreams increase long‑term satisfaction. Research links pursuing
self‑concordant goals (those aligned with personal values) to higher well‑being and
persistence. - External pressures drive costly choices. Following goals shaped mainly by family,
culture, or peers often produces regret, burnout, or frequent switching.
Quick checklist to test a dream (use before committing)
- Do you feel energized thinking about it, or drained?
- Do you imagine the process (daily work) and enjoy it, or only the “result”/status?
- Is this dream consistent with your values and small, everyday preferences?
- Are you willing to face short‑term discomfort for this goal?
- How often does this dream reappear across contexts and time?
If you answered “yes” to most, it’s likelier to be yours.
Separate influence from your ☆ inner voice ☆
- List external sources: family, friends, cultural narratives, teachers, social media,
mentors. - For each source, write the main messages they gave you about success and purpose.
- Next to each message, note whether that idea feels freeing or constraining when you
imagine following it. - Trace any dream back: which external messages help explain its origin? If it’s mostly
sourced externally, treat it as “influenced” rather than intrinsic.
Exercise: The Two‑Week Experiment
- For 14 days, notice when the dream appears. Does it come during quiet reflection, or
after conversations/ads/scrolling? Log context and intensity. Patterns show whether
the dream is internally motivated.
Clarify your values and daily inclinations
- Values (e.g., autonomy, creativity, security) determine sustainable goals. Rank your top 5 values.
- Observe 1 week of ordinary choices (meals, hobbies, weekends). Which activities do
you choose without pressure? Those reveal real inclinations. - Map the dream against both your ranked values and your observed daily behaviors.
High alignment = higher authenticity.
Imagine the grind, not just the success & win!
Many people pursue the dream because of the image of success and fame, or the win,
rather than doing it because they love and envision the required day to day tasks. Do this:
- Create a “Day‑in‑the‑Life” for someone pursuing the dream. Include morning routines,
work tasks, admin, social demands, and finance hassles. - Rate your enthusiasm for each task (1–5). If routine tasks average below 3,
reconsider or modify the dream into a version you’d enjoy daily.
Run low‑risk trials / experiments
Before big commitments, test assumptions with small, inexpensive trials:
- Time‑boxed trial: spend 4–12 weeks doing the core activities part‑time.
- Micro‑commitments: take a short course, volunteer, freelance, or shadow someone.
- Outcome‑based test: set one measurable outcome (e.g., complete a project, build a
portfolio piece) and evaluate your engagement and results.
Track these metrics: enjoyment, learning rate, energy levels, feedback from others, and small wins. Use findings to refine or pivot.
Ask the right questions
Answer honestly in writing:
- Why do I want this? (Write a few honest sentences.)
- What will I lose if I pursue this? What will I gain?
- What would I do if I knew I could not fail?
- If this dream were taken away tomorrow, what would I miss most?
- In five years, will I regret not starting?
These questions are helpful because they can expose your motives, fears, and
non‑negotiables.
Guardrails for influence
- Set a “cooling‑off” period before major changes (30–90 days).
- Limit advice sources to 2–3 trusted people with evidence of relevant experience.
- Stop comparing milestones to others’ highlight reels; compare to your past self only.
Psychological pros and cons of pursuing truly personal dreams
Pros
- Greater well‑being and life satisfaction: Pursuing self‑concordant or intrinsic goals is
linked to higher eudaimonic and hedonic well‑being because these goals satisfy basic
psychological needs (autonomy, competence, relatedness). - Higher persistence and goal attainment: Goals aligned with the self increase effort and
persistence, improving chances of success. - Stronger sense of meaning and purpose: Self‑endorsed goals produce clearer purpose
and personal growth. - Better mental health outcomes: Intrinsic goal pursuit correlates with lower anxiety and
depression compared with externally driven goals.
Cons / risks
- Short‑term stress and uncertainty: Pursuing authentic dreams—especially when they require major change—often increases financial, social, and emotional uncertainty. Effortful pursuit can raise
stress even when ultimately beneficial. - Potential social-friction: Choosing different paths from family or community norms
can strain relationships; cultural context affects how goals influence well‑being. - Romanticizing outcomes over process: Authentic dreams can still fail to match
day‑to‑day realities; enjoyment of the process is a key mediator of well‑being. - Risk of fixating on your identity: Tying self‑worth exclusively to one dream can harm
resilience if setbacks occur; self‑determination theory suggests maintaining multiple
values and needs for balance.
Decide and commit (or pivot)
- After experiments and tracking, revisit your honest answers and the checklist.
- If alignment, enjoyment, and progress are positive, set a 1‑year commitment with
quarterly reviews. - If not, close the chapter cleanly: list what you learned, how it will help future choices,
and one concrete next step you do want to try.
Common traps and how to avoid them
- Chasing prestige, not purpose: test daily tasks for enjoyment.
- Fear‑disguised dreams: if fear is the only reason you haven’t tried, use gradual
exposure. - Identity fusion with outcomes: define yourself by values and habits, not a single result.
- Over‑adaptation to others’ plans: practice saying, “I appreciate the idea — I’ll try my
approach.”
Practical tips to stay honest with yourself
- Keep a short Values & Evidence note: your top 5 values and 3 signs this dream
matches them. Update monthly. - Use accountability with questions, not orders (e.g., “What did I learn this week?”).
- Celebrate micro‑progress to keep intrinsic motivation high.
So just to re-cap and confirm for you:
- You know it’s yours and it’s authentic or true to you:
values match + routine tasks energize you + experiments show progress + you’d
choose it even with minor losses. - Influenced if: the dream appears mainly after social prompts + you dislike the
process + trials feel like obligation + biggest motivator is external validation.
If authentic → commit with a time‑boxed plan and concrete milestones. If influenced → thank the insight, keep what’s useful (skills, networks), and redirect energy to goals that pass the rubric.
Closing encouragement
Choosing what’s truly yours is a process, not a single revelation. Small experiments, honest records, and alignment with everyday life reveal the truth faster than decisive leaps. Act with curiosity and compassion: your next decision can be both brave and practical.
References
- Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. — Self‑Determination Theory and research on intrinsic goals and well‑being: https://selfdeterminationtheory.org/ (overview and key papers).
- Sheldon, K. M., & Krieger, L. S. — Goal pursuit, cultural context, and well‑being (examples and analysis): https://doi.org/10.1037/a0023521.
- Kasser, T., & Ryan, R. M. — The role of intrinsic vs. extrinsic goals in mental health outcomes: https://doi.org/10.1016/S0191-8869(97)00047-2.